Physically-I have come a long way baby! 100 pounds long way! I FEEL great! Do I still have a ways to go? You bet! 10 to 15 pounds and I will have met that goal. I give myself an 8 in this area. Not a 10 because I still need to work at it and nothing lower because, well, I have done well for myself in this area. I don't think I will ever be a 10 in the physical area. I think that will just be a constant goal for me to try harder and harder. Some goals you meet and are excited about and move onto another goal. With physical well being you should keep striving, changing, mixing it up so you do not become bored and give up. I don't want to be that person who thinks, welp, I lost the weight, time to sit back and relax for a bit. You know what would happen? The weight, depression, sadness, would come back with vengeance and I would never get rid of it.
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| Yeah, before...good grief! |
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| Doing much better now:) |
Mental Health-I have low self esteem. I have tried the whole looking in the mirror and saying "your good enough, your smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you" but I never believe it. Ever. My mother growing up would call me names, moose, cow, tubby...words of endearment that I am sure of now, and no matter how much I have forgiven her (spiritual side), I can NOT get those words out of my head. I think I could weigh 100 pounds and still feel that way. Growing up in foster care, even though it was a great home, made me feel, because I was, different. That I didn't belong anywhere, not wanted. I struggle to this day with trying to understand why my husband married me, why people want to be my friend, how I look, am I good enough for my son? I REALLY need to get this under control. Who wants to come talk to a lady about how they feel, look and are worried about their weight and health if I am crying in the corner because I feel fat that day. Um no one, that is who! So in the whole area of psychology wellness, I would give myself a 3...nothing higher for many reasons, and nothing lower because, I do function on a daily basis...
Goals:
Lose this last 10 to 15 pounds
Spend more timing praying, seeking after God
Learn to like myself and then love myself.
Activities:
I think I will just keep doing what I am doing for my physical side. CrossFit 3 times a week, walking 4 or 5 times a week, eating clean.
Reading my bible more, sharing my faith more.
I need to learn to relax when it comes to ME. I am cool, I am chill, or I think I can be, do some yoga more!
The relaxation exercise made me nervous, I guess that is the best way to describe it. I did not like the whole focus on me bit...felt weird.
Another great long blog!!! Sorry folks, I like to talk!! It is kind of therapeutic!
You can check out my Clean Eating Challenge that I put myself under here
Lady Loves Coffee
Until next time!
Ann
Ann,
ReplyDeleteBeing able to talk about it is therapeutic. It also says a lot more about you then you may realize. We all have things to work on and one of the first steps is acknowledging the problem. You are doing that and that is so honorable.
Liza
Thank you very much Liza for the feed back:)
ReplyDeleteAnn
Ann,
ReplyDeleteHave you ever listened to the Brene Brown TED Talk on vulnerability? It's excellent. I think when your forced to look at yourself and assess or rate yourself, you're really opening up yourself to vulnerability. It's brave to make yourself vulnerable. Listen to the talk, it's 20 min very well spent!
I forgot to include the link!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
I like TED talks, thanks for reminding me about them!
ReplyDeleteAnn
Hi Ann,
ReplyDeleteWhile we all have a different outlook and strategy to make our goals work, I think you are a bit too hard on yourself when it comes to the self-esteem thing.
It is easy for us to blame parents or upbringing, and tough to re-train the mind. I was a severely abused child. Put in the hospital more times than I can count by my own father. Messed-up part of the whole thing, when the Sheriff's deputies would come to investigate why, they would see my dad there - in uniform (he was a cop), and say there was no way a cop could abuse his kid, and leave.
I was forced to watch my day brutally rape my sister, among several other violent, horrible acts...and, I was force fed all the psychological BS about how I would never be anything, how I was worthless, how I was this, that or the other...
Bottom line...nothing, no thing in this world can take me from my place of peace. I have unparalleled confidence and self-esteem - because I choose to. I don't tell myself "I can", I walk out into the world and I make it happen.
Same for you - you don't need to convince yourself in the mirror...and you don't need to "think" you are something. "Know" you are.
Besides, you are a woman - the dominant of the species! :)
Liam
Liam, what a story you have! So glad that you have not become a statistic. I remember being stuck in the "statistic" group, and I thought, heck no! Have you been able to forgive your father? It took me a long time, but I was able to forgive my mother, and sometimes those thoughts of what happened want to creep in, but I push those away, so I can continue to walk in love towards her. It just goes to show, bad things can happen, but we can be over comers! I KNOW that I am something...:)
ReplyDeleteAnn
...turns out, he was a gun-runner for the Irish mob. They took him out. He was killed back in 2000, before I had a chance to "confront" him. No big deal though. While I look crazy - I am very much in complete control...I only drool occasionally. :)
ReplyDeleteLiam